


I want to leave with you in my heart

by Helpless04



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Language, First Kiss, Fluff, Forehead Kisses, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Short One Shot, Translation, Unrequited Crush, Yuri Plisetsky Swears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2019-04-24 04:53:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14348355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Helpless04/pseuds/Helpless04
Summary: Otabek's unrequited crush on Yuri is killing him, Hanahaki disease is painful, but surgery isn't an option for a man in love.





	I want to leave with you in my heart

**Author's Note:**

> Hanahaki disease It is a fictitious Illness, if you fall in love without being reciprocated a flower will grow inside your lungs until you are out of breath and eventually, die.  
> There are two cures, surgery or being reciprocated.
> 
> If you get the surgery the feelings towards the loved person are eradicated along with the flower.
> 
>  
> 
> This is my first story! Please be gentle with me. (♡´艸`) ♡ ♡ ♡

He tried to hide it as much as he could, he was only 19 years old. He had a family who loved him and a bright future, no one in his right mind would have let him die of something as foolish as teenage love, but that was exactly his deepest desire and he wanted to be respected about that.

He wanted to die with the memory of Yuri Plisetsky engraved in his heart. 

He had meditated a lot since he spat the first reddish petals a few months ago, right after their last competition together, but his decision was always clear, he didn't want to forget the beautiful blond he had been in love, as long as he could remember, he'll die happily.

He was willing to embrace his feelings with courage, with all the love he had. He would let himself be consumed by them without any regard. 

He knew that surgery was an option, a relieve to his pain. 

That would remove the beautiful flower that was contracting his interior, opening its way with increasing force. Without that flower, he could breathe without difficulty once again, but that would imply that he would come back from the operating room without the deepest feeling that his soul could have been able to process. 

True and selfless love.

He was not willing to forget how happy he felt just being next to the blond, his beautiful smile, his emerald eyes. The way he lowered all his emotional barriers when he was at his side and managed to be himself. The not-so-grumpy-boy who had to carry too many problems on his shoulders, that he must constantly suffer in the expectation of a world that wanted to see him shine in the maximum, in embodied perfection. 

He deeply admired the divinity of the Russian fairy, it was one of his motivations to improve in the sport that both loved so much, however, his true worship was focused on the Yuri that few could reach, and he felt enormously privileged to be part from that list.

The blonde snored softly when he slept relaxed, he stretched his legs as much as possible. Occupying all the space around him like a spoiled kitten. He moved constantly and drooled a bit although he did not want to admit it. When he cried in an exaggerated way, for some nonsense like a cute kitty or a "cool" style his nose made an unpleasant sound that seemed funny and incredibly adorable. 

Every single time they saw a movie where the plot caught him, his eyes focused with such intensity and passion that he feared that it would pierce his television. His frown contrasted charmingly to how his body kept trying to accommodate next to him despite not being the focus of his attention.

"Oh, He was really going to miss that spoiled kid" Otabek sighed sitting on the couch, closing his eyes while he managed to relive small moments together with a smile. 

He loved him so bad, he loved him with all his body and soul. With all his strange manias, with his bittersweet personality.

Otabek felt his chest contract with anguish, his eyes watered slightly at the thought of not seeing him again, he was definitely going to long for the warmth of his hands, his flushed cheeks, the beauty of his laughter and the comfort of his embraces.

However, deep down he was happy, he could leave with his memory intact and hoped to find him in another life to be able to love him without any error or delay.

He had not wanted to confess his feelings, he knew it was not reciprocated, there was no way they could be, he would never be worthy of that independent boy, he wasn't up to it.

Not even with all the effort he had put into his training had he been able to get bronze, disappointing himself badly, of course, he was not and never would be worthy.

And even though those feelings burned him, he did not want to leave guilt in the boy's heart for his foolish broken heart, Yuri already had more than enough with everything he had to endure his whole life and the hero of Kazakhstan was more than grateful for his existence, for having fallen into the networks of that angel, he could not regret anything that happened between them, more than his estrangement in the last months. 

The brunette no longer struggled to reply to his messages with the same energy as before, they barely sent each other photos, share the moments at distance or were part of each other's day anymore, he wished that gradually the blond could forget about him, detach himself and not suffer when he had already left. 

His calls had begun to get shorter with the passage of time, he could hardly speak without spitting camellia petals. He searched for meaning only a few days ago, smiling sadly.

"True love"

He wanted to wait for death with dignity, deep in the dark apartment he had started renting in Russia without telling Yuri, he wanted to die near him. In a place where people didn't find him easily, far from Kazakhstan, far from everything.

He did not want them to look for someone to blame, it was just him and his weakness. 

His routine had become weak in the past days, he started to eat just enough to keep him alive, it was hard to swallow with a flower on his lung and he was getting thin. He no longer answered anyone's messages, alluding to his nonexistent studies. His social networks were abandoned and he had only left letters to his family to let them know how much he loved them. Otabek was ready, he just had to wait.

Or so he thought. Until a shuddering scream and a pounding on the door alerted him, his face unraveled with surprise and fear, he had never heard the wood creak in that way.

Slowly, Otabek got up approaching the sound. Afraid of what might be on the other side, his nerves were completely on guard

He waited for an identification of the aggressor. 

"OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR OTABEK ALTIN, OR I WILL PUT IT DOWN!"

"Oh sweet Jesus."

It took him a few minutes to get up, it was Yuri, his best friend, the one he had been ignoring despite having his heart in his hands. And he was fucking furious. 

"Shit, shit, SHIT. How the hell did he find it?" He was sure he had not told anyone where he was going! 

"If you're going to ignore me to death at least deactivate your location on Facebook! Moron!" 

Otabek hit his forehead, not even on his deathbed he could have dignity with technology. Now he had to hide the letters, comb his hair, look decent and not like someone who just waits for his pathetic death.

The punches alerted him, increasing, he had to open now or the boy would really throw the door down. 

He was fucked.

"Why the fuck did not you tell me you were living in the fucking RUSSIA? JUST A FEW BLOCKS OF MY DAMN HOUSE? Why did you stop answering my messages? DO YOU HAVE AN IDEA OF HOW CONCERNED I HAVE BEEN ABOUT YOUR STUPID ASS? OF HOW MUCH WANTED TO SEE YOU? OTABEK!" 

The blond practically roared with rage through the thin barrier, had never heard him so upset. He did not want to delay anymore and opened the door to the back, the spectacle he saw broke his heart, knowing that it was his fault, the boy was shaking uncontrollably, his eyes full of pain had begun to drip. 

It was not usual for Yuri to insult him, or to cry in public. This time he had fucked it, he had fucked it deeply, maybe, just maybe this had not been a good idea...

Before being able to speak an intense pain in the heart it made him contract and fall of knees coughing violently, two petals of Camellia expelled from his interior, stained with blood the floor of the gloomy apartment. It was bad, now Yuri would have reasons to scream at him.

"Holy shit!" The young one exclaimed bringing his hands to his mouth with surprise. "Beka...Why are your bleeding? Are you hurt? No...you can't be..." He murmured in a broken voice. "Explain to me now what the hell is happening!" 

The boy hunched in front of him, confused. Otabek remained silent, wiping the blood that left his mouth with the back of his hand. Everything had gone to hell, he had hurt the most important person in his life and did not know what to say to remedy it. 

"Yura, I..."He tried to explain himself gently, trying to reach the golden strands that covered his face, but a gasp interrupted him. 

"Someone broke your heart." It was not a question, the intense look of the Russian was destroying him. "You wanted to die alone." Another affirmation that nailed him like a blade.

"Oh my god, Beka!" the incredulous boy whispered.

"L-Let me explain it, Yura, I just wanted..."

"Who was it?" His voice, the voice of his beloved, which had always been so sweet now was full of resentment and remorse, emanating that furious energy that advanced through everything without looking back, like when he was on ice. "Can I do something to get you cured?" He murmured with his throat broken again, inside him a whirlwind of negative emotions devouring him mercilessly.

Oh! How he would love for him to do something, but he would never forgive himself for forcing someone to fall in love with him just to save his life.

"Yura, no...it does not work like that" He murmured softly, how could it be that even now the boy made him fall even more in love with him?

"Please beka, there has to be something I can do" Yuri begged between tears, silencing him "Fall in love with me, let me help you carry that pain...Please...I can't lose you Beka, I can't." He raised his head in desperation, facing her irritated green eyes, broken by despair. "Just forget about that jerk, just look at me please" The blond hiccupped with difficulty. "We'll be together until we're old and idiotic like the Katsudon and the bald old man, give me a chance to make you happy, just one. Please. I promise you will not regret it" His lips curled in the most disheartening way possible, shedding new tears to see new blood flow through the corners of the lips of the Kazakh man.

"Yura, please stop crying," Otabek said weakly, how his heart shattered. 

"Why did you not tell me?" He muttered crawling towards him in the older man's lap. "I thought you were angry at me, not dying!" Yuri broke into tears with his eyes clenched, his fists banged on Otabek's chest and he convulsed hyping, he was so frustrated and sad.

"I wanted to see you so desperately because a few days ago..." the Russian started with difficulty "A few days ago this happened..." 

Otabek looked up to see Yuri's delicate hands holding a small almond blossom, white, delicate and probably the most horrible vision he could imagine. 

His breathing failed, gasping as he saw some blood on the surface of the petal.

He had brought Hahanaki's disease to the love of his life with his abandonment.

"That means..."

"Waking up." The blonde sentenced with a melancholic smile. "I can't die without telling you that I love you Beka, I don't want to." his eyes were red, his brows drooped and his mouth twisted, vulnerable as never before. "I don't care what happens from now on, just let me stay by your side what we have left, please." 

Before he could realize both, they were crying in each other's arms.

Otabek placed his hands on the nape of the blond, gently. Drawing his head to the cleft between his neck and shoulder. 

He kissed the blond's face gently, who looked at him in surprise.

"I regret not having the courage to confess, I was afraid, but now I know it was unfounded, Thank you for loving me, Yura. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." He added with glazed eyes, but with the most beautiful smile that the green-eyed one could imagine "Thank you very much".

"OH SHIT! Don't tell me you thought I did not requited to your feelings?" The youngest shouted with his eyes open as they were able to.

"Why would you do it? You are Yuri Plisetsky, the most fucking perfect human being that exists."

"Shut up, and don't you ever scare me like that again, or I'll kick your ass." Yuri said faking his anger. "Now we have a lot to fix for being so stupid." 

"I love you too, Yura." He whispered and let him melt with him in a soft kiss with the love of his life. 

They did not know how long it would take before the flower began to wilt and they could finally get rid of it, but if he could spend all that time breathing the soft essence of his Yura's hair and into his arms, it would be worth it.

They kissed softly, proclaiming their love to murmurs, that night they would have much to fix in the warmth of the other.

Otabek understood that he had found something more significant than dying for love, living by his side.


End file.
